Style Conversational Week 1388: Calling the Lunatic Fringe Fecal Grin Unit The Empress of The Style Invitational on this week’s anagram contest and results “Why are my neighbor’s black-eyed Susans staring at me?” That quarantine-addled query is a runner-up this week for First Offender Paul Duffy in our contest for stupid questions. /Photo from Intrinsic Perennial Gardens, Hebron, Ill. “Why are my neighbor’s black-eyed Susans staring at me?” That quarantine-addled query is a runner-up this week for First Offender Paul Duffy in our contest for stupid questions. /Photo from Intrinsic Perennial Gardens, Hebron, Ill. By Pat Myers June 11, 2020 at 4:36 p.m. EDT The headline above contains the fabulous anagram phrase that got ink for Dave Prevar as the very last entry in Week 955, in 2010: “Lunatic fringe fecal grin unit: Euphemism for Style Invitational Losers.” Dave’s entry could have been used within the generous parameters of this week’s Invite contest, Week 1388, which asks you to “create a business, product, organization or similar entity that contains a word, name or phrase and its anagram, and describe it.” Suggester Jeff Contompasis’s “Allergy Gallery,” from the same contest, fit well enough to use as one of his examples this week, for sure. I concede that I’m not sure what “similar” means in a list including both “product” and “organization,” but it at least distinguishes it from most of the nifty results of Week 955, which don’t fit Week 1388 but which I’ll share with you here for inspiration or at least entertainment. It’s really a classic set of results (and it’s so heartening to see how many of the Losers that week 10 years ago are still active in the Invite). Report from Week 955, in which we asked you to pair a word or short phrase with its anagram — the same letters rearranged — and define the resulting phrase: Many of you offered “Republican crab lineup” as a description of this year’s GOP presidential candidates, and a “mother’s thermos” as a warm-milk jug. AD The winner of the Inker: New York wonkery: One thing they can’t claim is superior to D.C.’s. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington) 2. Winner of the Talking Fortune Teller Calendar: He-moron hormone: Testosterone. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.) 3. Satellite radio salaried toilet: Howard Stern. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.) 4. Knits stink: What happens when heavy sweaters wear heavy sweaters. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.) Minor loons beneath: Honorable mentions The Democrats are here! Here come the rats, dear!: Pre-dinner-party comments overheard at the Carville-Matalin house (Gordon Cobb, Atlanta, a First Offender [Gordon has now blotted up 22 inks]) Leadership dealership: One-stop shopping for all your public-official-buying needs. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.; Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) Went Newt: Answered an embarrassing question by attacking the questioner. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.) AD Allergy gallery: The Museum of Natural Histamine. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) Most inane Minnesota: Land of Michele Bachmann and Jesse Ventura (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.) Liberal ire ball: A Democratic convention. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) Sexting gets nix: What Anthony Weiner learned the hard way. (Dave Coutts, Severna Park, Md.) Mitt Romney memory tint: Rose-colored historical fact-spinning. (Roger Stone, Gaithersburg, Md.) Pedestrian pedantries: What a walking encyclopedia spouts. (Chris Doyle) Flesh shelf: “Love handle” is a more charitable term. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) Super Bowl bowel spur: Affliction caused by too many visits to the Seven-Layer Bean Dip tray. (Anne Paris, Arlington, Va.) Considerate desecration: Taking time to clean up the paint spills after spraying hate slogans on a house of worship. (Larry Gray) AD Tom Brady’s tardy mobs: The Patriots’ offensive line trying to protect its quarterback. (Mike Bergen, Rockville, Md., a First Offender [ … and we never heard from him again]) Rid-of-Al Florida: Election 2004. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England) TSA SAT: Knife is to stab as cupcake is to … (Liza Recto, Lexington Park, Md., a First Offender [she got one more blot a few years later but was active for a while in our Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook]) Democratic micro cadet: Michael Dukakis posing in that tank. (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.) Blind-as-a-bat stab-and-bail: Congressional fiscal policy. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.) Has-been banshee: Roseanne Barr. (Larry Gray) “Sex and the City,” Sixty ’n’ cheated: Aging flirts get just deserts. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland) Shoe hose: What I need after playing 18 holes of golf in goose season. (Mairzy Salander, Arlington, Va.) AD Inconsistent non-scientist: Global-warming denier who buys flood insurance just in case. (Gary Crockett) Solicit colitis: “Would you like fries with that?” (Nancy Schwalb) Liberal braille: Read my pips: Mo’ new taxes. (Jeff Contompasis) Hereto hetero: Just now coming out. (Chris Doyle) Purple Rain Urinal Prep: Specially developed for testing the royal wee. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) [This one would have worked this week — but, alas, it’s off the market.] Mean amen: “Damn right!” (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia) Thermos mothers: They insulate their children against any potential bit of trouble. (Carol Ostrow, Laurel, Md.) Open? Nope: What Marianne said to Newt. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) [That year, Newt Gingrich married his aide Callista Bisek, with whom he had been having a six-year affair while married to Marianne. In an interview with Esquire, Marianne said Newt had proposed that she just tolerate his mistress; Marianne got a divorce.] AD Republican presidential debate — Undateable, crippled inebriates: An unusually biased program description on the TV Guide channel. (Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.) Reaganomics magic reason: How the 1 percent explain that giving them more money helps the economy. (Jason Russo) Yoda day-o: “Come the daylight, go home me want to.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) Colonist coin-slot: The cleavage that resulted when Yankees got too big for their breeches. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.) Sheesh, she’s “he”: The sudden realization that your date is a transvestite. (Chris Doyle) Faltered deflater: “Doctor, it’s been more than four hours …” (Denise Sudell, Cheverly, Md., a First Offender) Constipation inaction post: Oversharing on Facebook. (Larry Yungk, Arlington, Va.) And Last: The Style Invitational ha to intestinal levity: Another poop joke gets ink. (John Holder, Charlotte) AD And Even Laster: Lunatic fringe fecal grin unit: Euphemism for Style Invitational Losers. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis) The rule of dumb*: The stupid questions of Week 1384 *A headline submitted by several people for this week’s results, but was already the headline for another stupid-thing contest in 2003 Lord knows, it’s easy to say stupid things. But it’s harder to cleverly say stupid things. And this week we have 42 of them in the results of Week 1384, which sought stupid questions, “especially ones reflecting Our Current Situation.” Too many people to credit individually asked if their masks made them look fat — instead, I used Kyle Hendrickson’s more general “Do you want to know if you look fat in that …?” It was exciting to discover lots of new/almost new names among this week’s Losers — including all three runners-up — as well as one very well known old name: an honorable mention for (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, Va.), who was the Invitational’s most famous and successful entrant in its early years, even prompting The Post to run a long article about him in the Sunday Style section, in a 1995 spoof of big magazine profiles that aim to discover the real person behind the celebrity. Chuck stopped entering the Invite many years ago but has continued to attend numerous Loser parties, invite us to see performances of his one-act plays, and stay in touch on Facebook. Keep Inviting, Chuck! AD But our Losers’ Circle this week boasts three welcome squirts of fresh blood: Okay, Kevin Dopart wins the whole contest for the thirtieth time. But it’s just the second blot of Invite ink for second-place Loser Bill Bouyer of Florida, who just debuted with a horse name two weeks ago (Chant x Real Quiet = Make Up Your Mind!) and this week asked blithely, “Anyone want to carpool over with me to the testing site?” So that means that Bill, who got his first-ink FirStink air “freshener” last time and the “ear guards” as this week’s second-place gag prize, still hasn’t won a dang Loser magnet. Keep trying, Bill — just be an eensy bit less funny. And in third place is a genuine First Offender: Paul Duffy, who with "“Why are my neighbor’s black-eyed Susans staring at me?” either playfully evokes the creeping madness produces by months of covid-mandated isolation or is just a leeetle bit paranoid. I mean, everyone knows that it’s white baneberry that’s staring at us. Paul gets his choice of a Loser mug or our Whole Fools Grossery Bag along with his FirStink. Compared with Bill and Paul, Marli Melton is an old hand at the Invite. Her 13th blot of ink, and her second “above the fold,” is a gloriously terrible pickup line: “Don’t you think I look a lot more manly without that stupid mask?” AD We also have two more First Offenders this week, Lil Tompkins and Wendy Sheng. I hope they’re all back to get the real prizes. Losers onstage! A real stage! See the Riccardis Saturday evening If you missed the fabulously hilarious cabaret show by Losers Sandy and Richard Riccardi in Baltimore last summer, here’s a chance to see them in concert without even paying to park: Saturday evening, June 13, at 8 p.m., they’ll be performing their parodies and other funny songs onstage — in front of an empty house — at White Horse Black Mountain in Asheville, N.C., where they’ve recently relocated from California. It’s free but there’s a way to send them some bucks, which the Riccardis will share with the “really starving” venue. Sandy, who’s gotten Invite ink with several of her videos done with her hub the pianist — like this “Les Miz” parody from this past December — just posted what might be her best parody yet: “Bunker Baby,” a taunt at Our Courageous Leader, to “Broadway Baby” from the musical “Follies.” I hope she’ll do it Saturday night! --- And now, on to judging Week 1385, our contest to slightly change a place name and describe the new place. I just counted the entries: 2,350. I should call it The Burden of Atlas. I’ll no doubt bring a big vat of ink to you next Thursday. Meanwhile, you have several more days to work on Week 1387, the contest to delete one or more (consecutive) letters from a movie title. And a week after that for this week’s anagram “entities.” I’ll let you stop for a couple of hours to watch Sandy and Richard.